One very troubling phenomenon we have observed within the T community and in a larger

perspective within the rest of the Alphabet soup brigade (LGBTsIsTgGQGF) is how so many people are

Psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, so many in our community are broken; unable to have or

maintain stable relationships, manage time effectively, observe certain basic courtesies like returning

phone calls, keeping promises, not standing people up on plans which have been made, talking to others

in a civilized fashion, accepting help from volunteers without letting the ego get in the way.  At times the

broken-ness is so bad that even certain niceties like dressing in clean clothes, brushing teeth, taking

showers, and so forth are ignored.  Certainly these last, the grooming related issues, are extreme

How are we responsible?  Simple.  We are too focused on ourselves, and only what will benefit us. 

We isolate ourselves, and we isolate each other.  In all cases of broken, isolation is a core element of why we

are broken.   Any qualified mental health professional will tell you how harmful isolation is to human

beings, or any other self-aware form of life.  There is a reason why it is used as a punishment in prisons,

There are already others in our community talking about the negative effects of isolation on our

community.  Unfortunately, the perspective they are approaching the issue from is more administrative

than social, more collective than individual.   The real problem though, has little to do with whether we

are included in the vaunted Alphabet Soup, and has everything to do with individual, social isolation. 

This is the crux of the matter.  We as people are too isolated from any kind of community, and thus, far

more vulnerable than we otherwise would be to the effects of discrimination, hatred, poverty, and co-

morbidity caused mental illness.    There is a solution, however.  Reach out.  Return phone calls.  Most

importantly, get off the couch, get dressed and go out the door.   Go out and meet a friend.  If you don’t

In the cases of those TS women (and Men) who have been and are successful, there exists a chain of

support in their history.  The chain of support of which I speak is not financial it is emotional, spiritual,

psychological, social, and ultimately, personal. 

Many in the advocacy community have heard the phrase,

“each one, reach one, teach one”.  That is what we all need to keep in mind.  Even the drag queens used to

have this concept.  Anyone remember “drag mothers?”   While that particular expression of the concept

may not work for most TS’s, the basic idea is still valid.  An older, wiser, and more experienced person

Someone who you know will be there for you, even at three in the morning during a Tucson

monsoon, bailing you out because the local cop didn’t like the fact that your drivers license didn’t appear

Someone you know isn’t going to stab you in the back, someone you know you can turn to when

you hit one of those early HRT hormonal crying jags, and you have to suck it up because you work for a

construction company whose owner is a bigot, and you haven’t yet found a new job under your real name

The most successful TS’s I know have in their lives, other TS women who have already finished

transition, or are at least further along in the process.  These women serve not only as friends, but as big

sisters, confidants and reality checks.  They’ve been there, they are there, and they are a treasure.  These

successful TS women could not have been successful without their “big sisters”.  The real beauty to be

found here is that all of them are paying forward by being big sisters to other women.  The best way to

thank someone takes more than talk.  It takes action.

Caitlyn M. Godfrey, Copyright 2010, used by permission,m all rights reserved.